This July, Bear Reviews is looking back at Phase One Marvel movies. This week, we remember the one everyone forgets…

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While there are a few dogs in The Incredible Hulk, there are no bears. However, take a moment to consider the alternate universe where instead of being a play on the Jekyll and Hyde story, the Hulk was instead a metaphor for closet homosexuality. In that reality, The Incredible Hulk would receive five bears. Think about it, the Hulk is already a burly, hairy man. If he were also gay, the Hulk would be a classic bear. Sure, you say, Banner is in love with Betty, but in the alternate reality, Betty is just a beard, and when Banner’s true form comes out, his one true love is Abomination, a Biblical play on words.

Of course, none of that is in the text of the actual 2008 movie, so to reward any bears for it would go against the integrity of Bear Reviews.

Grade: Zero/Five Bears.

Written by Daniel Mizell