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Bear Reviews: Thor

Thor may have frost giants and Norse gods and the like, but like every other Marvel movie so far, it does not contain any bears. But, since I gave Age of Ultron a bear because it had Chris Hemsworth’s bare chest, it stands to reason that I have to award the same number of bears… Read more »

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Bear Reviews: Pixels

You know, one of the many tragedies in life is that we’re often exposed to moments of brilliance and cadilescence* that we’re too young to fully comprehend or appreciate. As I sat in the theatre watching the latest Adam Sandler comedy, Pixels, I was reminded of one such occurrence in my own life. When I… Read more »

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Bear Reviews: Ant-Man

Is Ant-Man a triumphant anthem about the necessity for bear-human relationships to stay at their current level in order to avoid a third World War? No. Is it a meditation on how the current prison system often leaves those who have served their time with little choice but to return to the life they want… Read more »

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Bear Reviews: Iron Man 2

I believe I may be beginning to notice a pattern here, but Iron Man 2 also contains zero bears. What bias does Kevin Feige have against bears? The world may never know. If I wanted to stretch my authority, I could say that Tony Stark’s insistence that the Iron Man suit stay with him and… Read more »

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Bear Reviews: The Incredible Hulk

This July, Bear Reviews is looking back at Phase One Marvel movies. This week, we remember the one everyone forgets… While there are a few dogs in The Incredible Hulk, there are no bears. However, take a moment to consider the alternate universe where instead of being a play on the Jekyll and Hyde story,… Read more »

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Bear Reviews: Iron Man

This July, in preparation for the end of Marvel’s Phase Two, Bear Reviews is looking back at the Phase One films.   There are again no bears to be found in Iron Man, but watching the movie through a bear lens one cannot help but think of the Iron Man armor and Iorek Byrinson, the… Read more »

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Bear Reviews: Magic Mike XXL

Sometimes you go to see a movie about male strippers and make idle chit-chat prior to the movie starting, and sometimes you recast The Beatles using Happy Madison players. For those of you who are curious, the line-up is: Adam Sandler: John David Spade: Paul Steve Buscemi: George Rob Schneider: Ringo Kevin James: Yoko As… Read more »

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Bear Reviews: Ratatouille

This June, Bear Reviews is celebrating the release of Inside Out by looking back at some of Pixar’s classic films. Tell your friends. Tell your family. Tell your local zoo. Bear Reviews is reviewing old Pixar movies, just for you! There are no bears in Ratatouille, but there are a whole bunch of rats. And… Read more »

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Bear Reviews: Ted 2

In the prior week, a certain film critic whose name rhymes with Eric Forthun* informed me that I should do a Bear Review for Ted 2, saying that the movie makes great leaps in the struggle for Bear Rights, because the movie makes the argument that bears are people too. Surprisingly, I take offense to this,… Read more »

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Bear Reviews: Up

Up has zero bears in it, but on a thematic level that more or less makes sense. Bears would never let themselves become domesticated like Muntz’s dogs (and if by some insanity they did, Muntz would have easily taken over South America and then the world with his bear army), and a bear would be… Read more »