I am disappointed

Man, I was really looking forward to this movie.

As most loyal readers know, when it comes to Mortal Kombat, as one of those virgins I am always obsessed with sex.

I’ve never played the game, I think the first Mortal Kombat movie is a piece of shit, but at the same time I’m intrigued by the story and the character design because it looks super cool.

I guess you can call me Comcel.

What started as pure curiosity about the 2021 version slowly turned into genuine interest, and then, with the casting of Hiroyuki Sanada as Scorpion, a kind of hope.

Well, I’m here to tell you that the new version of Death Bomb sucks.

What’s wrong with Hollywood?

Look, I didn’t see the whole movie.

I turned it off after 45 minutes, so it will be short, but very enjoyable, so let’s get started.

Even with my limited exposure, I have some glaring issues with this piece of radioactive film on the cancer that makes it insensitive :

Why is the default character a man with a child and an ex-wife?

Is this meant to be a family film? Will 90’s gamers with nostalgic tendencies sit down and play Fatalities with their kids?

Why does Hollywood feel the need to do this in every action movie?

Why not make him a washed-up loser who redeems himself for his own good, instead of making him a family man who fights for his child?

I mean, look at the success Marvel has had with the anti-hero Wolverine… о….

Son of a bitch.

Okay, it’s just something they have to do to get the girls to look.

But what is this utterly deaf and generic dialogue?

It’s much, much worse than being in the girl’s corner. After a fairly decent opening scene set in ancient Japan, all the dialogue sounds like the first draft of an actor from Life Goes On.

And no, I’m not talking about Chad Lowe.

What about flat characters played by inanimate actors?

I guess it depends on who they can realistically play with such a lousy scenario, but that’s really the point of this whole rant.

See if you can follow me:

  1. An audience of baby fans, zoomers, and Gen X gamers will watch this movie regardless of the quality of the writing.
  2. The film is worth $55 million.

Okay, so why not hire a real writer to work on the script?

Why not give Shane Black, Aaron Sorkin or Kevin Williamson (WTF – is he done?) a million dollars for a rewrite. Give it some credibility, give it something so that normal adults who watch this movie out of sheer boredom can be entertained or at least distracted for a while.

Let’s review the movie Hecking, Hollywood.

And that’s the problem.

Hollywood does not give.

They have absolutely no respect for the average moviegoer and instead cater to an audience of duopolistic fanboys who know nothing and have an awake Twitter audience.

They see you, especially now, as a trap. Or rather, a mouse stuck in a mousetrap, fat, happy and bored with his mousetrap. Ready to accept anything.

Well, we all know what happened in Mouse City, don’t we, boys?

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